omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize