I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
