I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
