I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
