How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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