Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
