I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
