Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
third nipple confirmed
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize