She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
