my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
