She said her name was "party"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize