i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
