I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
