having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
