oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
