i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
