dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
