Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
