so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The best revenge is premature balding
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
