just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
