some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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