You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
