Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
