i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
high people should be assigned attendants
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
