wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
