I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
