Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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