love makes seman taste better
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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