mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
