I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This is classic penis vs brain.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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