Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
