What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
