I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
