My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
bring money and cleavage
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
