either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
birth control should be required to get into college
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize