you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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