she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
