i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
