everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
