How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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