You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
