the condom got lost in my hair
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just want nice things and good sex
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
