i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
