Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize