I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Actions speak louder than pants.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
