you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
