i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
