I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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