What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
