seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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