watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
