I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
