i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
