Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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