he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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