You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
