hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
