i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
