my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
