Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
