Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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