I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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