If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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