woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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