I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
