I think i sorta joined a cult last night
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
