I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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