Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize