Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
