So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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