you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
