I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
