Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
