your thong is hanging out like whoa
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
