their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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