Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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