My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
