WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
