Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
