He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
